Secondary Infertility - An Ache That Burns Deep

Since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I even remember wanting to steal my daycare lady's baby and keep her as my own at the age of 9. Ha! I swear I'm not creepy. I just loved babies so, so much. That sweet smell, those big, beautiful eyes, those soft chubby cheeks. Sigh... They are so cute when they are tiny and new.

Fast forward almost 20 years later to when I met my husband. We had discussed children early on, and I made it pretty clear that children had always been part of my life plan. So within a few months of getting married, I was fortunate to get pregnant with our daughter after only trying for one month. Wow, that was easy! The pregnancy wasn't a walk in the park but, by the end, we had the most beautiful little girl with the biggest, roundest blue eyes I'd ever seen. We were over the moon!

Within a few years we were ready to start trying for another child so Z would have a sibling. I wanted my children to be a few years apart so it was time to start trying. I had gotten pregnant so easily with Z that I was sure my husband would just look at me funny and I'd be pregnant. Well, that did not happen.

We tried for a few years and nothing was happening. I had mentioned the issue to my doctor after about the first year and she said, "pray and keep trying. You'll get pregnant eventually." Wrong. I prayed, I wished, I hoped, we tried and nothing happened. To make matters worse, everyone I knew was getting pregnant. And each time I heard the news, it felt like a dagger in my heart. Why was it so easy for everyone else but me? Why was my body failing me? I spent many days lying in my bed in a pool of tears, empty, sad and feeling like a failure.

And no matter what anyone says, secondary infertility isn't any less painful than someone who is infertile and hasn't had children. I remember feeling guilty for my sadness because I already had a baby, and I wondered what right I had to be so devastated by this inability to conceive for a second time. People would say, "well at least you have one baby." To me it didn't matter. There was such a huge hole in my heart. So don't ever apologize for how you feel. The pain is just as raw.

Eventually, my doctor referred us to a fertility clinic and, I'm happy to say, I did eventually get pregnant after being on a fertility drug. The tests, the side effects of the drugs and the costs didn't make it the easiest process ever but I was so thankful to have my darling little boy.

I wish I had been given advice about using a holistic and natural approach to fertility rather than settling with the medical interventions we eventually had to turn to. I so appreciate what those amazing doctors did for me but I wish I had this alternative when I was first battling infertility.

Pregnancy Miracle was developed by Lisa Olson: a nutrition specialist, health consultant, Chinese medicine researcher and author who battled with infertility herself. Her system has helped thousands of women, just like you, permanently reverse their infertility, get pregnant quickly and give birth to healthy children. 

Whether you're in your 30s or 40s, have had tubal obstructions, variances in your hormone levels, a partner with low sperm count, a history of miscarriages, or uterine or fibroid cysts, this might make a difference for you.

Click here to see a video that might give you new hope for the happy ending you deserve.

Grievance Du Jour

I just finished sorting the laundry to get it ready for washing, and I can't help but notice that all of my family, especially my husband and daughter, take their clothes off inside out. Now when it's time to fold, I have to put all their clothes back to normal.

I've decided they hate me.

If you're looking for me tonight, I'll be in my basement, folding laundry. Forever.

What Happened to My Norman Rockwell Moment?

Do you hear that delicious silence? You probably don't hear it over your gaggle of children but, currently in my house, I can actually hear the clock ticking on my piano. That's always an indicator of how quiet my house actually is. It's such a pretty clock, isn't it?

Alleluia for Grandparents

The reason it's quiet here right now, at this very moment in time, is because my children are spending the afternoon and evening with my mom. God bless her for taking them for a few hours so I can just suck in the glory of my house without children ransacking it and filling it with their polluted sounds of fighting and complaining. My children really are lovely... with other people... most of the time. Lately however, when they are at home, they just sucks every morsel of life and energy I have. I'm thankful for this few hours to refuel and refocus. Shout out to grandparents!!!

I'm also thankful that my mom came with us to the mall today to see the big man himself, Santa Claus. As she told me, "I haven't done this in 30 years." I'm glad I could help bring back those warm and fuzzy memories for her, living the excitement through her grandchildren's eyes.

Not What I Pictured

I always have these huge plans for these picture perfect activities for us to do as a family. In my mind, I always imagine everything running like a Disney movie - the perfect setting, a lesson learned, and beautiful memories I can put in a box with a pretty bow, and store in my mind until I'm old and grey where I will relive them as I sit in my rocking chair with my grandchildren on my lap. Sigh... The life of an optimist....

The reality is that almost none of the activities I plan for us to do, no matter how awesome and exciting they might sound, ever turn out like the rosy pictures I conjure up in my little head. Never. Ever. I personally blame the three-year-old with an attitude.

How It Plays Out

We're not even out our own door and the always-cranky baby B (who is now 3) exclaims like he does every 3 hours, "I am so mad!" By the way, he got that line from an episode of Daniel Tiger's Neighbourhood where Daniel Tiger's teacher, or mom, or somebody tells Daniel, in sing song of course, "if you feel so mad, that you want to roar, take a deep breath, and count to four." Great advice from the show but the only part my son retained was Daniel Tiger saying "I'm so mad!" at the top of his lungs. Thanks PBS. You're awesome.

Once I've convinced him to put his boots on (usually by bribing him with food or a toy), I get him and the girl and the husband into the car, ready to roll. But wait... The husband forgot his phone, or keys, or wallet - it can be any of said items or a combination of said items. Considering I have to remember everything else, it'd be nice if I didn't have to take care of the other adult in the house too. Just sayin'.

The car ride is usually a nightmare with cranky baby B screaming at his sister for looking at him funny, or my 8-year-old daughter Z complaining that she doesn't like the music on the radio. I yell at them to be quiet. They do not make an effort. I'm irritated. Can we go home?

We get to our activity, let's take visiting Santa, since that's what we did today. The kids are starving because they haven't eaten in 20 minutes. So we have to get food at the mall. Because they are dressed in their Christmas outfits to have their pictures taken with Santa, they inevitably spill ketchup and wipe fry grease all over their brand new clothes.

We take them to the bathroom to clean them up. Baby B, who has just learned to go potty, pees on his pants because he does not know how to control that male appendage of his I just don't get. (Why does it shoot in so many directions?) I clean him off as best as I can and hope that Santa doesn't get pee on his lap. (I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time anyway. Poor Santa!) Z is filthy so we have to hose her down from top to toe, and tuck her hair back into the braids I meticulously spun before we left.

As we are walking to see Santa, which is in the centre of the mall, we pass by stores that are calling my kids' names. They see all the shiny and flashy objects and get distracted so we keep having to get them back in line like sheep dogs herding their flock.

We finally get in line to see Santa, and the two of them just can't sit still. My kids have a lot of energy and never stop moving. Plus, kids and lines just don't go together. Ever. They shuffle around the line in the area we're standing in, just hyper with excitement as they can see the top of Santa's hat around the corner.

We finally get to the front of the line and cranky pants Mr. B. does not want to see Santa. So I drag him a little, bribe him with yet another treat (Santa's candy cane), and wait for the magical moment when the nice picture lady can snag a shot of them sitting up on Santa's lap. Well, they were sitting. And their clothes look sort of clean. Baby B looks constipated, and Z looks drunk but we got the picture, I guess. Another family trip over. Another dream of a perfect outing crushed.

Life Is Never Picture Perfect

I know life is not the perfect pictures we see in movies, and that it's super messy, and hard, and some days, down right shitty. It's not my kids' faults that things don't turn out the way I imagine. It's my OWN fault. My creative, overly-perfectionist brain has a way of concocting these scenarios that no real family could live up to. I have to learn to lower my expectations, and just live in the moment. Because when I'm old and grey, sitting in my rocking chair on the front porch, looking back on this picture of my two babies, I won't remember the chaos that took place getting them to that moment. All I'll remember when I look at those pictures are those two beautiful kids and how they were, and will always be, the most magical part of my world. And I'm very lucky to have them in it.

A Language of His Own

At two-years of age, my little blonde-haired, blue-eyed man was not the strongest of talkers at the park. Who are we kidding? Despite all the babbling that came out of his adorable heart-shaped mouth, Benny could barely string together two words that sounded remotely close to the English language.

His sister, on the other hand, who is 5 years older than him, began to speak clearly and in full sentences by the age of 18 months. So I had to question, what did I do differently with this one to make him so hard to understand? Had I ignored him more than my daughter? Was his IQ just a little lower than his sister’s? Maybe I hadn’t given him enough healthy fats to help his brain develop. I knew I should have thrown a few extra avocados in his baby nutrition.

As time went on, everyone I knew had to mention how Ben was hard to understand. “Don’t worry,” they’d say. “It’s because he’s the second child and he’s a boy.” Apparently boys get a bad rap in the linguistics department. “It’ll get better,” every one would say.

I decided that I wasn’t too concerned… yet. I had seen other kids around his age who weren’t super gifted with words. I decided I wasn’t going to worry too much about it. At least not for a while.

Then one day, something miraculous happened while my kids were playing at the park. Ben was digging in the sand when another little guy his age walked up to him and starting digging in the sand too. They both had matchbox cars, and they were about the same age. They were making all the appropriate noises as they raced their little cars in the sandbox.

Then Ben started chatting with his new little friend in his jibber jabber sort of way. I was pretty sure the other kid would look at him with a blank stare on his face. But instead, he started talking back to him… In the same Ben-like language! Oh my gosh - they understand each other, I thought. They speak the SAME language!

I quickly rushed my 8-year-old over to show her this amazing exchange of baby talk. She looked at me with a big smile on her face. We were both so excited to see someone who really understood what our little Benny was saying.

The boys continued to play for a few minutes when I noticed the other little guy’s mom come sit closer. I smiled at her and said, “isn’t it so cute that they are speaking their own special language?” The lady looked at me, gave me a little smile and nodded her head politely. She must be shy, I thought. Not much of a talker. Oh well. Not everyone is.

A few minutes passed when I realized I needed to get home. I called Zoe and Ben and said it was time to go. Ben said goodbye to his new pal, and his little buddy walked towards his mom. As he approached her, I could hear him talking to her in his adorable baby babble. So cute, I thought. But then, the mom responded to him. And she was talking the same language! But then it hit me. The little boy wasn’t speaking in baby talk, he was speaking another language, a real language that just happened to sound exactly like Ben’s toddler dialect. Urgh… Who’s the biggest dork in the world? Ya, that would be me. I grabbed my kids, not looking back, and headed for home. I’m an idiot, I thought. A big one.

At what age did you child(ren) start to speak clearly? Were you concerned with delayed language skills?

4 Ways To Get Your Kids Involved In The Family Finanaces

We've all had these conversations with our kids:

Kid: "Mom, can I get that new Elsa doll? I really want it, it's so cute and I'll play with it so much!"

Parent: "Why don't you put it on your Christmas list?"

Kid: "Christmas? It's July, I can't wait that long. I want it now!"

Parent: "We can't just buy things whenever we want, just because we want it. You have to decide if it's worth it, and if it is, you need to save for it."

Kid: "But I want it RIGHT NOW!"

Parent throws hands up and wonders why he/she ever thought having kids was a good idea. *wink, wink.

It's not that all kids are all bad and greedy, psychologically-speaking, they start off their lives mostly under the assumption that the world revolves around them. Hence the reason why you have so many meltdowns at Target with your two-year-old. (Or in my case, three-year-old.) But as they get a little, older, like 4 and up, you can start explaining to them how finances work and how THEY are also part of the family's financial fabric. It also teaches them, while they are young, that you aren't just entitled to stuff. You have to work to get what you want. I'm not raising any slackers here!

Here are 5 ways to get your kids involved in the family finances.

1. Discuss the plan

I actually just had a detailed discussion with my 8-year-old this morning, while we were lying in my bed, about how our financial plan is laid out. As I've said 40 times already, we're following The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness.

This plan is laid out so you are following 7 baby steps to get to your goal. We are currently on step #2, PAYING OFF YOUR DEBT.

Our daughter was saying how much she wants to go on a Disney Cruise. I said once we pay off the money we owe, we will start saving for some fun activities like a cruise, but for now, our focus is to pay off what we owe. I also told her we need to save money for retirement. She couldn't understand why we needed to worry about retirement when we are still young. I told her we need close to a million dollars to retire comfortably. She was blown away! But at least now she understands why we need to pay things off and save.

2. Set up an allowance system

I don't have an allowance set up for my little guy - he just doesn't quite get it yet. But our 8-year-old is old enough and we have set up a cool system based on chores. I got the idea from Pinterest. We used to pay her every week based on her list of chores but it didn't work well for us. I like that she can do a chore and quickly see the payoff. Now, she doesn't get the money right away. After she does a chore, we put it into her chore jar. At the end of the week, she gets her money.

3. Set up a envelope system for your kids

Now that our daughter has money from an allowance every week, we want to teach her how to save and give, not just spend. So we have three envelopes for her: Spend, Save, Give. This teaches her the importance of putting money aside to save for bigger items, but it also teaches her to be grateful and to share her blessings with others.

4. Create a vision board 

Some people think vision boards are fluffy, or that you just make them, sit back, and wait for your dreams to unfold. That's not the idea at all. A vision board is like a road map to achieving your goals. I've had a few vision boards over the years, and while some of the goals didn't occur until a few years later, some of them came true in eery ways. (I'll discuss vision boards in depth in an upcoming post). So I challenge you to sit down with your kids, grab a stack of magazines and start planning your family's vision for the future. Put it up where every one can see it and work together to reach those goals. I do truly believe that if you see your dreams in front of you, they will unfold if you work towards them. Thoughts become things.

How do you talk to your kids about money? Do they have allowances? Do they know how to save? I'd love to get your feedback!

Top 10 Christmas Movies on Netflix USA

I love, love, love Netflix! What did we do before Netflix? My kids don't even know what commercials are because they rarely watch regular cable. How things have changed since I was a kid! I remember having to strategically manoeuvre the rabbit ears on our little tube TV to catch Beverly Hills 90210 from KNRR in Pembina, ND. And it was scrambled at best. But Jason Priestly was still gorgeous through the snow.

I am also a HUGE fanatic of Christmas movies. I love them all! My most favourite activity on a cold winter's day, is sitting wrapped up in fuzzy blankets with my kiddos, with the fireplace roaring, watching Christmas movies. It reminds me of my childhood and I get so warm and melty inside. Sigh... Why is this post so nostalgic? "Focus, Natalie!"

When Netflix first came out, the selection of Christmas flix was pretty limited but they sure have stepped it up. I've compiled a list of my fave holiday movies from Netflix US (as of November 2014). Stay tuned for the Canadian edition!

Christmas with the Kranks

Miracle of 34th Street

Curious George:
A Very Monkey Christmas

Mickey's Once Upon A Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Elf

Arthur Christmas

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch
Stole Christmas

The Legend of Frosty the Snowman

Tomorrow we'll discuss inexpensive ways to start holiday traditions with your children. What are you favourite holiday movies? Mine are Elf, White Christmas, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story.

5 Reasons You Need To Join The 5 O'Clock Club

On my last post, I vaguely mentioned that I am a proud member of the 5 o'clock club. For those of you who don't know what the 5 o'clock club is, well let me enlighten you! It's pretty simple. There's a secret group of crazy people that get up hours before most even hit the snooze button. These insane people get up at 5am... on purpose. And I am a proud member of this club. Honestly, it has completely changed my life. I text two other members at 5am to keep us all accountable too!

Here are 5 reasons why you should be part of this crazy cool club:

My tic-toc clock

1. Time ALONE
I'm a mom, wife, employee... You get where I'm going with this. I rarely get a minute alone! But when I get up at 5am and quietly tiptoe to the main floor of our house, it is so quiet. I can actually hear the clock on my piano tick. It's a wonderfully, delicious sound.


2. Eating without interruptions
Again, if you're a parent, you know that it's unusual to sit down for an entire meal without being interrupted by spills, fights or other miscellaneous mishaps. When I sit down with my breakfast, and there is no one around to bother me, it feels like an indulgence. I can eat without little fingers in my food, and I can take my time.




3. Getting your workout out of the way
When I first get my feet on the floor and my behind out of bed, I'll admit, I'm not super thrilled with the idea of heading to our basement to do my workout. But once I get down there and start, I know that euphoric feeling that comes after a workout is just minutes away, and my whole day will be better because of it. I usually aim to workout every day (some days are lighter than others) but even if I miss a day or two, I've still managed to get in 5 or 6 days a week. Exercising has such a tremendous effect on most aspects of your life. So just do it, will ya! I find it makes me happier and more productive.



4. Quiet time to set goals

Another part of my personal development that I absolutely love is the time I spend setting goals for my life, both longterm and daily. I revisit my crazy cool goals for the year on a weekly basis, and set daily goals related to my longterm life goals and my health goals. I carry my notepad with me all day long so I can check the tasks off my goal list for the day. I love knowing that I'm working toward my family's goals EVERY SINGLE DAY with momentum and passion.



5. A relaxed pace
I wake up two and a half hours before I have to leave for work so this gives me lots of time to get ready at my own pace, and properly organize my family in the morning. My kids have also started waking up a bit earlier - probably because I'm awake earlier too. They usually wake up around 6-6:30 which gives us all time to unwind before we set out for school, daycare and work. Even my daycare provider mentioned how much happier my little guy has been since he's had some time to relax before being whisked out the door.

Are you part of the 5 o'clock club? What do you love about it? Or, if the idea of waking up at 5am is disturbing to you, tell us why! I'd love to hear your feedback.

Isn't Every Day Like Saturday?

On Saturday morning, I came downstairs and declared "Gosh I love glorious Saturdays!" To which my husband responded, "isn't every day like Saturday to you?" Huh? Are you serious right now? I then told him like it was.

Now yes, it's true I'm currently a SAHM which means I can technically stay in my pjs all day if I really want to (which I never do). And yes, I don't have to be up at 6am to get ready for work and get the kids ready for daycare like I used to. But getting this house going on a weekday morning is so NOT like Saturday morning. Why??

A. I'm outnumbered on weekdays. My husband leaves before we get up so I have to get Miss Sassypants ready for school while keeping Mr. Crankypants from screaming his little head off. Two against one, not good. Even I can do that math.

B. See, my darling daughter has S.O.S, shiny object syndrome, which means she is easily distracted. For example, she starts to get dressed but then she'll find a piece of pink belly button lint, get distracted and it's back to square one again. I must repeat the following lines at least 8 times every morning. "Eat your breakfast! Get dressed! Brush your teeth! Stop playing with your brother! Don't sit on the cat! Focus!" I'm thinking of recording it and just pressing the appropriate button when needed.

C. Mr. Crankypants. He's a category all on his own. My baby, unless I'm carrying him around or nursing him, cries all day. I wish he had S.O.S. so he'd be interested in something else other than me and my food bar. If I'm not carrying him around during the morning routine, he screams at the top of his lungs. I'm sure my nieghbours can hear. I'm sure the polar bears in the Arctic can hear. He's no dainty screamer my baby. Sometimes my ears bleed.

D. Unlike Saturdays, when my husband can help me, I have to find ways to entertain Mr. Crankypants while I do common every day things like shower, do my hair/makeup (yes, I do my makeup every day), make myself something to eat. You get the picture. My house is like the baby Olympics. I have to set up the baby at different events just so I can keep him distracted while I try to do things. The Jolly Jumper is for when I'm showering. The exersaucer is for when I'm in the kitchen. The bouncy chair is for when I'm doing laundry. The swing is when I need him to fall asleep. How did people have babies before these gadgets by the way?

My hubby didn't say this in a mean, malicious way. He really thinks that every day is a holiday for me. I'm not sure why he gets that impression, but being at home is harder than any job I've ever had. EVER!

So honey, no. EVERY DAY IS NOT LIKE SATURDAY for us SAHM. It's. Really. Not.