Entertaining the Troops

It's spring break in our neck of the woods which means I have the two kids all day and every day this week. I love having my girly home because I do miss her when she isn't around. Since she was little, I've always told her she is my best friend. I truly feel that way! I love going out and doing things with her from shopping to pedicures to lunch dates. We have a blast together! I'm so lucky to have a daughter and a son. I really do have the "million dollar family" as so many people tell me.

In order to keep her stimulated this week, I'm trying to line up activities that will keep her busy and that are baby friendly too. On today's agenda, the original plan was to have a picnic with my friend Joce and her kids K and E. K has been one of Miss Sassypants' best friends since she was about 2 years old and they are always so excited to see each other.

Turns out that today's weather was probably the worse it's been in weeks! It was cold and rainy, and as the day progressed the rain turned to sleet than snow. NOT picnic weather. So we had to figure out plan B. We decided to have lunch at our house then head over to a public pool for the afternoon.

We got to the pool at 11:15am and it was already packed. I guess going to the pool is everyone's rainy day activity during spring break. Despite the crowd, we all got in our suits and headed into the pool.

This was Mr. Crankypants' first time in a pool so I was a little worried he wouldn't like it much. As we entered the water (which they keep warm in the kids pool), he gasped and grimaced and I thought "that's it, he's going to hate this." But I did what any mom would do and smiled, trying to convince him that it was the funnest place ever. And after those first few grimaces, he was fine. He never complained the entire 2 hours we were there! He loved the water. He kept squealing with joy and puffing out his chest like a little peacock. He seemed so pleased with himself.

Despite the little guy's ease in the water, I'm not gonna lie, it was chaos in there. At one point I turned to Joce and said: "You know what this reminds me of? The scene from Titanic when the people are in the water drowning and it's just splashing and screaming everywhere." She agreed. It was a lot to take in. I'm so glad the baby enjoyed it and didn't freak out. Miss Sassypants is a guppy so she was in her element being at the pool again. I'm so glad my kids love the water. They come by it naturally. I've always loved the water too. I'm an Aquarius after all.

After a busy day of swimming, we were all pretty tired. After dinner, baby girl and I played a game of Skip Bo or Spite and Malice as some people know it. My mom and I taught her how to play this weekend and she's actually really good at it. The game says ages 7 and up but she's totally getting it. I'm glad because it's a really great way to sharpen her math skills.

After our game, we were watching Dancing with the Stars and she told me that when she grows up, she wants to move to California to be a dancer on the show. She said she wants me to go to each performance unless her husband is working than I have to watch her kids. Oh my gosh.... Where does she get this stuff from? I tried not to smile or laugh as she was getting deeper into the conversation because I knew if I laughed she would stop telling her story. I just nodded and tried to keep my cool just so I could hear the whole tale. She's so funny that kid! Yesterday she told me, "you're the first and best mom I ever had."

Miss Sassypants, you're the first and best daughter I ever had too. True and true.

And The Answer Is.....

Although having a 6 month old is challenging (yes, he's 6 months now - wah...), I'll take his crying fits and dirty diapers over the CSI-style questioning my daughter has been subjecting me to lately. These are questions to which I have no idea how to answer without shattering her dreams or completely horrifying her. You'll see what I mean.

Today she had a series of questions about Santa Claus. In our house, Miss Sassypants still believes in the big guy. I'm glad because it's such a magical experience for her and the longer we can continue the charade, the better. Don't get me wrong, if she's 18 and still waiting for Old St. Nick to come down the chimney, my parenting skills should be questioned. But as I see it, a few more years can't hurt.

Today she asked me: "What happens if Santa dies? Do they have a replacement? And is Santa born like in a mom's tummy, or does he just appear?" As far as I know, there's no manual in the world that tells you how to answer these types of questions. (Look into that and get back to me if there is.) And to be fair, these are really good questions. Considering that I'm lying to her about the entire Santa situation, I just said: "you know, what? That's a good question! Nobody ever told me either. Maybe you should ask Santa next year." Ha! I feel sorry for the old mall Santa who gets those drilling questions. Might make him spit up his eggnog. But in parenting, passing the buck is always a valid option.

While we're on the subject of Santa, we might as well talk about the stork. I've never used the stork story with Miss Sassypants. I've been pretty honest to her about where babies come from. The way I explained it is that the daddy has a seed and the mom has an egg and they mix together in the mommy's tummy and the baby grows in there. I'm extremely grateful that she's never asked me about how the egg and seed get in the mommy's tummy. I'm still surprised she's never asked. That's so unlike her to leave any stone unturned. If it does come up, I may have to revert to the stork, cabbage patch or download theories. 

I guess the question for us parents is how much information is too much information, and at what age are certain things appropriate? I want her to know where babies come from because it's important to know the truth, but how much do you reveal? And if I'm telling her the truth about babies, why am I lying to her about Santa? Again, if you find that manual, email me :) Being a parent is flippin' hard.

Better go. The baby is screaming (again), the cat just threw up on the carpet and I need to apply another coat of ointment to my eye which is suffering from a fourth bout of pink eye. Miss Sassypants brought it home from school a few months ago and I can't seem to get rid of it completely. Threw out the makeup, washed my pillow cases, disinfected everything from light switches to phones to computers. I'm about to poke my eyes out with a fork.

Things Your Mama Didn't Tell Ya!

I'm starting a new series on my blog called "Things Your Mama Didn't Tell Ya!" It's going to highlight things all mothers should know that nobody tells you about.

I'm a little short on time today since I have to take Mr. Crankypants to his 6 months well-baby appointment soon, so I'll keep this one brief (no pun intended, you'll see what I mean in a sec.)

It took nearly 3 weeks for me to figure out why Mr. Crankypants was constantly peeing through his diaper. Were the diapers the wrong size? Was I not tightening them enough? Did he have an unusually strong pee stream? I couldn't figure it out. So I did what any mother in crisis would do. I googled it.

Turns out when the wee-wee is free-free (and not pointing down), the pee shoots up and out of the diaper causing major leakage. So always point the wee-wee due south to avoid pee breach.

Also, the little fringes along the leg holes of disposable diapers need to be out of the diaper. If for some reason they stay tucked in, you'll get some leaking there too. I learned that one years ago but I have to remind my hubby of this all the time as he forgets and then there's pee everywhere. It's not pretty.

Must go shower. Engage Jolly Jumper! (See my last post about that one)

Peace.

Isn't Every Day Like Saturday?

On Saturday morning, I came downstairs and declared "Gosh I love glorious Saturdays!" To which my husband responded, "isn't every day like Saturday to you?" Huh? Are you serious right now? I then told him like it was.

Now yes, it's true I'm currently a SAHM which means I can technically stay in my pjs all day if I really want to (which I never do). And yes, I don't have to be up at 6am to get ready for work and get the kids ready for daycare like I used to. But getting this house going on a weekday morning is so NOT like Saturday morning. Why??

A. I'm outnumbered on weekdays. My husband leaves before we get up so I have to get Miss Sassypants ready for school while keeping Mr. Crankypants from screaming his little head off. Two against one, not good. Even I can do that math.

B. See, my darling daughter has S.O.S, shiny object syndrome, which means she is easily distracted. For example, she starts to get dressed but then she'll find a piece of pink belly button lint, get distracted and it's back to square one again. I must repeat the following lines at least 8 times every morning. "Eat your breakfast! Get dressed! Brush your teeth! Stop playing with your brother! Don't sit on the cat! Focus!" I'm thinking of recording it and just pressing the appropriate button when needed.

C. Mr. Crankypants. He's a category all on his own. My baby, unless I'm carrying him around or nursing him, cries all day. I wish he had S.O.S. so he'd be interested in something else other than me and my food bar. If I'm not carrying him around during the morning routine, he screams at the top of his lungs. I'm sure my nieghbours can hear. I'm sure the polar bears in the Arctic can hear. He's no dainty screamer my baby. Sometimes my ears bleed.

D. Unlike Saturdays, when my husband can help me, I have to find ways to entertain Mr. Crankypants while I do common every day things like shower, do my hair/makeup (yes, I do my makeup every day), make myself something to eat. You get the picture. My house is like the baby Olympics. I have to set up the baby at different events just so I can keep him distracted while I try to do things. The Jolly Jumper is for when I'm showering. The exersaucer is for when I'm in the kitchen. The bouncy chair is for when I'm doing laundry. The swing is when I need him to fall asleep. How did people have babies before these gadgets by the way?

My hubby didn't say this in a mean, malicious way. He really thinks that every day is a holiday for me. I'm not sure why he gets that impression, but being at home is harder than any job I've ever had. EVER!

So honey, no. EVERY DAY IS NOT LIKE SATURDAY for us SAHM. It's. Really. Not.

Neighbourhood Funnies....

Kids think: What a great idea!

Mom says not today. Kids adjust: 

spring = shiny, happy, nosy people

Yup, spring is in the air! And mud is on boots, mitts, ski pants and floors. Blech! I only like mud when it's in a spa, in a mask, on my face. Otherwise, I could do without it. I actually got a shoer yesterday. If you don' t know what a shoer is, you're not Canadian. LOL....So for my international readers (if I have any), it's when water gets over the top of your shoe and enters it. Like from a puddle or any other wet substances..... That could be gross.


I was walking over what I thought was a hard section of snow, but to my surprise, it was not hard packed snow. It was soft and it was deep! My foot sank a good foot until I was knee-deep in snow. Then all of a sudden, I felt cold, icy water enter my shoe. Crap! So I pushed down on my other foot to step out of it, and my other foot sank. Noooooooo!!! It too filled with freezing cold water. Boo! Might I mention I was also wearing the baby in his cuddly wrap at the time. So the prospect of falling face first into the snowbank was not a good one for me or my son. But it's okay. We got out fine and I proceeded home with two frigid, squishy feet while my husband stayed at the park with my daughter.


Besides melting snow and muddy carpets, Spring also brings people out. Spring is when we all crawl out of our winter dens and start mingling with humankind again. And there were lots of people mingling at the mall today. I got to meet a few of them.


The first incident was at A Child's Place where I purchased a few cute items for a baby gift. I was wearing Baby B in his cuddly wrap because he gets agitated when he's in his car seat for too long. While I was standing in line to pay for my purchases, this older lady, probably about 75 years old, came up to me and said: "well that's quite the contraption." She was referring to the baby sling. "Well, he likes it," I replied. She snickered and went on her way. I sensed she didn't like my baby sling. Hmph.....


After that purchase, I decided Mr. Cranky Pants had had enough and it was time to go. As I was putting him into his car seat at Chapters, he starting crying. He does this every time I put him into his car seat. He usually settles down pretty quickly, but initially he is ticked right off. So while I'm trying to sing his favourite song (always gets him to stop crying) and strap him in, some middle-aged lady comes over and starts stroking his face and shushing him. "Oh, he's so upset," she says. I smile because I'm nice that way and say, "yeah, he doesn't like his car seat." She keeps stroking and shushing. As time elapses, it's getting more awkward. I want to say, "please go away. You're not helping him but rather only prolonging the madness." But instead I keep smiling until she leaves. After she "helps me", I get him strapped in and leave.


I know babies make you vulnerable to crazy people ambushes.For the most part, people mean well and they are mostly just excited to see your baby. Mine IS pretty cute. See?


But sometimes, I just want to get my shopping done. I just want to deal with my kids' outrages in private without advice, dirty looks or contact with other humans. It's not so much to ask, is it? 


Okay, I should be honest though. I'm pretty sure once my kids are grown up and on their own, I'll be the crazy lady chasing down all the babies at the mall, giving their moms advice about baby carriers and shushing and stroking their cute little faces. That is the circle of life. (Insert Elton John's Lion King soundtrack here.) And who am I to break the circle?

Chicken Hot Tub Party

My goal is to write in my blog every day. So this is two days in a row now. Good start!

Today is a busy, busy day! I have to finish the last two loads of laundry and then I'm caught up. Woo! First time in a month I've been able to say that. For the record, laundry is my nemesis. If I ever built a dream home, I'd copy an idea my friend Joce had. I would build one big central closet that would store everyone's clothes. The room would have my washer and dryer, a big sink, and a drying rack. It would be highly organized and pretty. It would be in the main living area in our house. Not two flights of stairs away from the bedrooms. Carrying baskets up and down all day is a waste of time and is the reason I don't keep up with my laundry - I'm sure of that! So yes, the dream house will have a central closet. Ah, it's good to dream!

After I got my laundry going this morning, I decided to make chicken stock. The stock is for soups, and the leftover chicken will be shredded and put into bags for different meals like tacos, soups, salads, etc.

So this is who was invited to the chicken hot tub party today:

We've got carrots, celery, 1/2 a red onion, 1/2 a lemon, 2 cloves of garlic, kosher salt (I love kosher salt!), pepper, 2 bay leafs, oregano and of course, the chicken who made this hot tub extravaganza possible. And lemon, you say? Yes, lemon! I don't know what it is but the acid helps to balance the broth. Trust me on that one :)

I washed the veggies that need to be washed and roughly cut them into big chunks and dumped them into a large pot. I'm going to discard all the veggies afterwards so they don't need to be perfect. I'm just looking for flava!

And of course, Mr. Chicken and his spicy friends jumped in the tub too.

I covered the contents with enough cold water to almost cover the chicken. I put the lid on and will let it bubble on medium low heat for a good three hours until all the flavours mingle and get to know each other intimately.  This should make a pretty big pot of chicken noodle soup later which will be lunches for most of the week. I add bow tie pasta, sliced carrots, celery and chicken to the broth. It's so delicious and comforting!

After my chicken stock is done, I have to be at the school to help my daughter's kindergarten class with math. Ha.... Me and math don't go together at all. But that's a story for another day. Thankfully, it's still at a level I can handle. Grade 1 next year.... Not sure if I'll be qualified.

Until we meet again blogosphere!

n

Come on in!

Ah blogging. It's been so long! This is not my first time around the blogging block, ya know. For a number of years I had a blog describing my exhausting journey with weight loss (or lack of weight loss I guess). Frankly I enjoyed the blogging more than I enjoyed the weight struggle. So now I'm going to blog sans the weighty issues. Ha.... As I've realized, life - she's a funny broad. You don't have to try hard to find the funnies in every day life. Especially when you're a mom. Oye, motherhood. Proof that God is a man.Childbirth is a cruel joke nobody gets.


So ya.... I'm a mom. I love being a mom. I wanted to be a mom from the time I realized that was even possible. When I was a young lass, I would imagine stealing peoples' babies and taking care of them. Ya, maybe a little creepy but I don't think that way anymore. With two kids in my house, a 5 year girl and 5 month old boy, I've filled my quota... For now.... I remember after my son was born I shouted out: "I'm so glad I never have to do that again!" It's only been 5 month since the little man was pulled from my loins, but I'm already forgetting the mind-numbing pain.I could see myself having a third baby. My husband, however, doesn't have the same vision so that could be an issue down the line.


When I'm not being mommy, mom, mama, mother, ma (à la Stewie Griffin), I write for a living. I freelance for a few different publications and I work part-time as an On-Air Promotions Producer which is a fancy way of saying I write commercials. I'm currently on mat leave, milking the government for all it's worth. Gosh, it feels good! Oh, I should also mention that I recently trained to be a birth doula. I'm kind of obsessed with all things childbirth. Don't know why. When I told my husband that I wanted to take the training he simply said: "but why?" He didn't understand why anyone would purposely choose to see that hot mess. Apparently our babies coming into the world had a lasting impression on him.


Outside of being a mom, wife and slave to the man, I have an unhealthy number of hobbies too. They are, and in no particular order: crafting, card making, scrapbooking, playing music in a band, cooking, entertaining, decorating, photography and baking. Thanks to Pinterest, my list of hobbies and projects is getting longer. Le sigh....


So this blog is going to encompass a lot of things. It will be my place to brag about my adorable children (and they are). It will be a showcase of my projects in progress - from handmade cards to home decor projects. It should be embarrassing. But most importantly, it will be my sanctuary to spill my guts, bare my soul and share my life experiences with anyone who wants to indulge me.


So the door is open! Welcome to Funny Mama Ink. Have a glass of crazy. It's on the house!